Thursday, January 14, 2010

Bummer update

Normally I feel so uplifted following the band blogs, but I have to fess up to feeling a bit down when I see other people banded at the same time as me who have lost a lot more weight.

Bottom line, they're working harder. And I definitely give kudos to everyone out there and all of their hard work.

However, I'm feeling a bit down on my moody, snacky self right now.

Even the thought of diet or exercise is completely non-existent and like a deal breaker some how. Since New Year's I just feel like EATING!

I went to the doctor this week (general practitioner) and the scale is pretty much where it was at New Year's. Up 5lbs from my lowest. Considering how FAT i feel, i thought it would be worse. I literally feel like how I did at the beginning of this process.

My hair is grown out, so it's back in a pony tail all the time. I feel fat, my jeans are tight (of course these are a smaller pair but still) and yet, i'm still just thinking about FOOOD!

This is how it was BEFORE the band!

I was thinking about my fears pre-band. What if I get all crazy because I can't emotionally eat anymore. And Alex and I fight and divorce and I'm super high strung and upset all the time since i won't be able to self sooth.

So the good news & the bad news is that the band doesn't really stop the emotional eating. Alex and I are very happy and believe it or not, I'm not cranky all the time.

The band definitely has lessened the amount i can eat when stress eating, but i can still eat! and cheat it with certain types of foods and lots of snacks! My worst cheat is just waiting til i'm no longer full and continueing to eat then.

The band can kill some of the appetite. But if you're like me on a bad day, eating despite no appetite, then you can still eat.

So the good is that i'm still "normal" and I didn't sacrifice too much of my self. The bad news is I can still stuff my face when I'm upset.

I'm back to working crazy-long hours in my new job and this week has been a week from hell. But i guess I'm kind of tired of using stress as an excuse because I've been doing that since October. I haven't seen any real weight loss since then.

A friend made me dinner last weekend (she doesn't know about the band). I'll have to do another post later on that because she had some interesting comments about "people with the band!"

Okay, time to leave the office. 8pm is too late.

I'm wondering what will change this mindset of mine?


  1. It sounds like your restriction is not working yet. If it was, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be feeling 'snacky' all the time. I feel for you though - it's awful to feel the way you did pre-banded and that is NOT the whole idea.

    When are you due for another fill? Hang in there, Heather. These first few months are tough - don't let anyone tell you different. Speak to your doc about how you are feeling when you see him next - he might give you more fill.

  2. Heather hang in there. It has been a crazy month with the holidays and everything going on. Go in for another fill, keep going until you get the restriction you need. You will have good days and bad days and you will have days where you think was this all worth it but you know what,it is. Doesn't matter how long it takes you to loose, you will get there eventually. That is why the band is so great we can fall off the wagon and get back on.

  3. I'm with Cara - more fill!

    I had a really hard time with the stress and comfort eating, but having good restriction has helped me to battle this demon. It is true, the band can be cheated (pretty easily, actually), but with good restriction the temptation is not really there.

    Could it be you are resisting getting more fill because you don't want to lose the ability to stress eat? Just a thought, no judgment at all. I know you want this to work, so take some time to get to the bottom of the issues you are having. You are worth it!

  4. Heasther,

    I am catching up blog reading today and I had to post a comment. I FEEL THE SAME WAY! Thank you for being honest and for putting yourself out there. I have been so bummed and mad at myself. It seems that temptation is constantly knocking at my door!

    If you would like to "partner up" and email privately my email is Maybe we can help each other out and boost each other up a little!


  5. Hey I just noticed that our Band Birthday is the same! Cool!