Friday, July 25, 2014

When it rains, it pours.

Just checking in. I check in on my fellow bandsters blogs occasionally. A bunch of bandsters I'm friends with on Facebook too. But I feel like I should check in on my own blog as well with a bit of an update.

In general, this has been a somewhat difficult year, and a really rotten summer emotionally. That's one thing about this blog and bandsters is that we can tell it how it is on our blogs. I can't always do that with everyone, and certainly on FB you aren't going to share TMI.

We didn't know it at the time, but coming back from Christmas vacation at New Year's and finding our entire bathroom covered in mold was kind of a sign of things to come for the new year! Leak in the faucet, lots and lots of valuable stuff lost in the bathroom and the storage connected to it. Mostly it was just gross and stressful. Despite having thrown away so, so much stuff, I can't say I've really missed anything though. Just goes to show how meaningless "things" can be.

Most of the problems have been tied to health and money. My Dad can't really take care of himself anymore, sometimes he gets a bit confused about things, and he called me in tears that he was going to be homeless because he had a falling out with the person he lives with and could I help. We aren't on great terms. I haven't seen him in many years. I'm the only one in my family that even speaks to him. Pretty much the only one at all other than the person he lives with. :(  So I was trying to figure out how to support him with his very small social security income. Then I couldn't reach him for a week and was extremely worried. It ended up, when I did reach him, that the issue has resolved itself for now, but it was stressful and a huge reminder that at some point, I will have to figure it out.

I could actually go on and on with a number of other health issues affecting my husband, close family, friends and myself. Medical bills are piling up, so we sold one of our cars, got rid of cable, sold some stuff, just to pay bills and try to live more within our means.

I'm definitely one to look at the bright side, but when it comes to serious and in some cases, terminal illness, that's a really hard thing to do. Even my dogs have had a lot of health issues, and since I don't have children, they are like my kids. I adore them and do everything for them.

One day, we were coming back from the park, and my dog JJ passed out. We walked inside, he passed out a couple more times and we rushed him to emergency. We discovered that his heart condition had rapidly worsened and he's now in congestive heart failure. As long as we get him regular x-rays and ultrasounds to ensure there's no fluid in the lungs and track the progress of the disease, he appears to anyone else to be healthy. He's definitely happy and active. But he has to take 13 pills a day. It's stressful to prepare them all and get him to take them. He hates it. And he has to be let out to pee every couple of hours b/c of his meds. I'm more than happy to do all of it, but it's just so expensive and his pet insurance doesn't cover a pre-existing condition. So there's always the question of whether we'll be able to cover the bill when we visit the vet.

During this same time, i've been going through hormone therapy and a lot of testing to deal with some cysts and fibroids. I finally had to give up on the progesterone treatment because of how much stress I've been under. I just couldn't handle it on top of everything else. The final straw was the panic attack it led to.

It's been 7 years and I haven't been able to get pregnant. One of my doctors basically said in a quite abrasive, irritated way that I'm extremely high risk for multiple reasons, and even if I pay tens of thousands for fertility treatments, I have the tiniest chance of ever getting pregnant.

Despite that, I continued to try and saw a new doctor, but I got to the point where we've run out of funds to do anything else, and I'm turning 40 in a couple of months, and I've kind of given up hope which just makes me really really sad. IVF, surrogate, adoption, etc are all extremely expensive, and while I wish it wasn't the case, right now, they just aren't attainable goals.

I always struggle with depression and overeating, but I've been extremely depressed. It's been hard to bounce back from all of this. So I eat, and that just makes the fertility thing and even the depression worse. Ug.

But my husband has been a saving grace. He's so patient with me and so supportive. For now, I'll just keep moving forward. My husband has really been a good cheerleader about getting back to healthy eating so that we feel better and are better able to handle all the stresses coming our way. In that regard, turning 40 in October is a major goal to be in a bit better shape.

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