When it rains, it pours.

Just checking in. I check in on my fellow bandsters blogs occasionally. A bunch of bandsters I'm friends with on Facebook too. But I feel like I should check in on my own blog as well with a bit of an update.

In general, this has been a somewhat difficult year, and a really rotten summer emotionally. That's one thing about this blog and bandsters is that we can tell it how it is on our blogs. I can't always do that with everyone, and certainly on FB you aren't going to share TMI.

We didn't know it at the time, but coming back from Christmas vacation at New Year's and finding our entire bathroom covered in mold was kind of a sign of things to come for the new year! Leak in the faucet, lots and lots of valuable stuff lost in the bathroom and the storage connected to it. Mostly it was just gross and stressful. Despite having thrown away so, so much stuff, I can't say I've really missed anything though. Just goes to show how meaningless "things" can be.

Most of the problems have been tied to health and money. My Dad can't really take care of himself anymore, sometimes he gets a bit confused about things, and he called me in tears that he was going to be homeless because he had a falling out with the person he lives with and could I help. We aren't on great terms. I haven't seen him in many years. I'm the only one in my family that even speaks to him. Pretty much the only one at all other than the person he lives with. :(  So I was trying to figure out how to support him with his very small social security income. Then I couldn't reach him for a week and was extremely worried. It ended up, when I did reach him, that the issue has resolved itself for now, but it was stressful and a huge reminder that at some point, I will have to figure it out.

I could actually go on and on with a number of other health issues affecting my husband, close family, friends and myself. Medical bills are piling up, so we sold one of our cars, got rid of cable, sold some stuff, just to pay bills and try to live more within our means.

I'm definitely one to look at the bright side, but when it comes to serious and in some cases, terminal illness, that's a really hard thing to do. Even my dogs have had a lot of health issues, and since I don't have children, they are like my kids. I adore them and do everything for them.

One day, we were coming back from the park, and my dog JJ passed out. We walked inside, he passed out a couple more times and we rushed him to emergency. We discovered that his heart condition had rapidly worsened and he's now in congestive heart failure. As long as we get him regular x-rays and ultrasounds to ensure there's no fluid in the lungs and track the progress of the disease, he appears to anyone else to be healthy. He's definitely happy and active. But he has to take 13 pills a day. It's stressful to prepare them all and get him to take them. He hates it. And he has to be let out to pee every couple of hours b/c of his meds. I'm more than happy to do all of it, but it's just so expensive and his pet insurance doesn't cover a pre-existing condition. So there's always the question of whether we'll be able to cover the bill when we visit the vet.

During this same time, i've been going through hormone therapy and a lot of testing to deal with some cysts and fibroids. I finally had to give up on the progesterone treatment because of how much stress I've been under. I just couldn't handle it on top of everything else. The final straw was the panic attack it led to.

It's been 7 years and I haven't been able to get pregnant. One of my doctors basically said in a quite abrasive, irritated way that I'm extremely high risk for multiple reasons, and even if I pay tens of thousands for fertility treatments, I have the tiniest chance of ever getting pregnant.

Despite that, I continued to try and saw a new doctor, but I got to the point where we've run out of funds to do anything else, and I'm turning 40 in a couple of months, and I've kind of given up hope which just makes me really really sad. IVF, surrogate, adoption, etc are all extremely expensive, and while I wish it wasn't the case, right now, they just aren't attainable goals.

I always struggle with depression and overeating, but I've been extremely depressed. It's been hard to bounce back from all of this. So I eat, and that just makes the fertility thing and even the depression worse. Ug.

But my husband has been a saving grace. He's so patient with me and so supportive. For now, I'll just keep moving forward. My husband has really been a good cheerleader about getting back to healthy eating so that we feel better and are better able to handle all the stresses coming our way. In that regard, turning 40 in October is a major goal to be in a bit better shape.

Eating when I'm tired & using a "holiday weekend" as a good excuse to eat?

So it's been 2 weeks since we kick-started and things are going well. 6lbs down overall and my clothes are fitting much, much better. I was creeping up into a bigger size before the holidays and that has been curtailed!

The first week of "dieting" my energy level absolutely sky-rocketed with all the healthy food, and I feel great. We were being super strict week one and that gradually loosened up a bit week 2, but we're still on track.

I had to deal with all the things that usually make me go off the rails. We had a major investor pitch and got pretty much no sleep. When I don't sleep, I eat to somehow make up for the lack of energy and to "reward" myself.

Plus, if my husband says screw it, as he tried to during our crunch time, I often use that as an excuse too.  I kept him on track last weekend, had just a bit of stress eating that day, without much damage.

But then the MLK holiday weekend came, and I found myself saying, it's a holiday, so of course i can splurge. I splurged a bit but not bad at all minus some donuts. Alex reigned me in thank goodness. I hate, hate, hate someone else trying to control or comment on my food intake but...I'll admit it worked.

So we have to keep each other on track rather than be bad influences as we have in the past.

As I've learned over and over, weight loss isn't about a "fix" where once you lose weight, everything is great. It's all about management. Everyday, all the time. No magic to it.

I just did a bit of shopping, hung out with friends this weekend and saw the movie "Her" which I loved. Plus the weather here in LA is gorgeous, so I'm feeling pretty fantastic. Here's to a healthy week ahead!

WLS Blogs to Follow?

Can anyone recommend WLS blogs that I should be following? I've been out of the loop for a while. I definitely have some that have been around a while, but what sites do you love?

Do you guys get "diet" tired?

I'm really into this new eating plan. I'm enjoying the food, and I feel really satisfied.  My will to be thinner by my 40th is really strong, so I'm not feeling a ton of temptation to cheat so that helps too. Of course, it's early days.

I'm really liking that this fruit/veg/protein thing allows me to eat to be satisfied. I'm have a partial fill, could use some more, but I feel the band doing it's work too.

However, whenever I start watching what I eat, I have this thing early on where I just get super exhausted around 5pm or so. Under other circumstances, I'd just be ramping up at that time of day, but man i get POOOOOPED! Early in the day, however, I have better energy than usual. I don't feel as lethargic as usual.

Being so tired in the evening does make it a challenge to do my LONG evening dog walk and make our Vitamix soup though. But I power through. Tonight it was tough though.

If i remember correctly, some of this will past, but curious about you guys? Do you get too pooped to pop as well?

Good news!

I had two pieces of good news today. First off, I weighed myself this morning and was down 4 pounds from the weekend.

Whaaaaa?????

Crazy! Crazy good!!! So I'll take it! I'm sure it's partly water weight, blah blah blah, but it feels good and is great motivation to continue with this kick start diet we're doing that I recently posted about.  My husband Alex also weighed himself this morning and he's lost 3. (I never lose faster than him!)

The second piece of good news is that there are people out there reading this!!!  After having not posted in 2 years, I thought for sure I'd lost everyone, but when I logged in today, I saw blogger's analytics and could see that are a few hundred of you guys!  Those are new visitors starting when I started posting again. Yay! You rock! That is such fantastic motivation to keep posting and keep up with this knowing I'm not ALOOOONNNEEE!

If anyone feels inclined to comment or post, I'd love to hear from you and know where you live and anything you'd like to share about your own story -- and/or a link to your blog.

Woot woot! Happy Tuesday!

My meat substitutes aren't "lean"

As I mentioned in my last post, the eating plan we're doing this week and next allows for fruit, veg and lean proteins. My husband's lean protein is mostly plain chicken, but since I'm a vegetarian, I go the fake meat route. In looking at Weight Watchers "power foods," soy and other vegetarian meat substitutes are allowed as long as they are less than 2g of fat per serving. I must admit I was shocked when I got to Trader Joe's and started looking at the fat grams in my favorite fake meat products! I always just naively assumed they were low fat.

So, out with the Tofurkey italian sausage, the Morning Star Farms pizza mushroom burgers and the fake chicken strips. Instead, I'm having fake beef and chicken strips, Tofurkey turkey lunch slices and soy breakfast sausages. Baked tofu isn't less than 2g of fat, but it's listed separately as a power food, so I'm allowing that too.

It's not a big deal for me to swap one fake meat type for another, but I'm glad to have had this nudge to make smarter choices and not just make assumptions. My bad.

Kick Start! I do love my Vitamix.

I considered starting the year off with another juice fast. We did a 3-day one from Dr. Oz last spring and it was fantastic. It got us started on a very long health kick and I lost about 10 pounds, but my husband lost almost 40 pounds (and maintained most of that).

However, I realized what I'm really seeking is that energy boost from all that fresh fruit and veg. So instead of juicing, we decided to do all fresh veg, fruit and lean proteins for a 2-week kick start.

We'll use our Vitamix for this. A green juice in the morning and a Vitamix all-vegetable soup at night, plus a salad for lunch and various fruit or lean protein snacks. The Vitamix has definitely been well worth the cost as we use it almost every day, even when not eating super healthy.

I also decided to join Weight Watchers, as I pretty much always have to be held accountable by tracking what I'm eating. Turns out they have a 2-week introductory program called Simple Start which has a very similar concept, except a bit less limiting. In addition to the fruit, veg and lean proteins, they allow you some carbs. Things they consider "power foods." Then they also give you 7 bonus points a day for a little splurge.

So we ended up doing a version of Simple Start, except without the carbs, plus with that 7 bonus points, we give ourselves one piece of dark chocolate at the end of the day.

Pony Tails and Photo Tricks

I had to update my profile pic finally. I've posted the old one here for reference. :(

I just don't at all look like the old one anymore. I'm a few years older and am now at my heaviest (again, grrr) plus, no more bangs, i have long hair, and it's pretty much always pulled back. Constant pony tails are never a good sign of where things stand in my life.

My new profile pic is what I call a #dogselfie - It's one of the most recent pics of me from my 2-week holiday break with one of my dogs Cali. We were on a road trip driving from California to Texas. All my photos these days involve major cropping, a bit of contortion, flattering angles and this chin thing a DMV photographer (of all people) told me about. I hadn't learned the trick in the pic above.

But this pic here is from Christmas Eve where the "trick" is in effect (and notice the hair pulled back!) I'm bending over so it's not the best cropping on this photo, but it was an image I had easily accessible. And no double chins! I'll try and find some "bad" pics for contrast, lol!

The trick: jut out your chin and lean your head ever so slightly down. It may feel artificial but it creates the illusion of a stronger jaw line in photos. I also do a thing where i suck in my double chin a bit! lol! So sad I know, but I know some others of you out there have little tricks too! Takes a bit of practice in the mirror (so VAIN! i know!), but the trick works for me.

Working up to 40

2014 is a big year for me as I'll be turning 40 in October, and I am utterly determined not to turn 40 at the weight that I'm at. That means a lot of big changes need to happen. I've made my list and have been working at them. But the weight loss thing I convinced myself would start in the new year. And well, here we are. 

Instead of going into all the usual pep talk, I'll just provide an update on life since my last post a long, long while back. I'm so, so glad that I did not get the job in the last post. Ug, I'd be out in a warehouse type office in a too-small company in a not-so-nice suburb in Orange County. Instead, after a couple of other rounds of interviews with other companies, a few months later I got a fantastic job at a gorgeous university in Los Angeles very near to the ocean. I work in web marketing and get to do a lot of fun mobile projects. The best part is that I have my own office with a nice view too. 

Since i get to tell it like it is here, the people i work with can be really gossipy and catty. I'm learning that universities are very political places, not just mine from what I understand. My boss is the ring leader, and he really should know better. And there's another guy who is such a bully, but I've gotten pretty good at just stopping him short when he's in a super crabby mood and telling him, "Wow, you're cranky today," and that usually shuts him up. One of my 2014 goals is just to rise above all that pettiness. Which I found I've mostly been able to do the last few months. I have bigger things on my radar than to be dragged down by that b.s.

There are a TON of great perks about the job however that make it worth putting up with. Other than that, I can mostly just forget about stuff when I leave at the end of the day which is a pretty big deal. And the vacation time and benefits and retirement plan are all really excellent. We just finished 2 weeks off for the Christmas break. It feels like a million years since i was in the office. LOVE!

Another major plus is that I can get a free MBA, which helps make up for the non-profit salary. A "free" MBA is such a big deal. I already have an MA in Writing and there was a guy in my program who was a staff member, and I remember thinking how smart it was that he had his MA paid for. I will be paying for my undergrad and grad school loans for a very, very long time. 

I won't go into all of the MBA stuff, but based on my last job, I feel like there are some skills that degree offers that I really need to move into more senior management. I also hope it will help propel me into higher paying jobs -- really help me move up in my lot in life. I'm been stuck in middle management for too long, especially when I see the major success my friends have had. I'm really tired of our crappy apartment. I want something better. 

The MBA will also be really helpful for the new tech startup my husband and I started this past summer. It's all full-scale, the real deal. We have a couple of investors and a canned demo. Plus lawyers, a developer, an accountant and more lawyers. Next up, the full prototype. Having a job that I can turn off at the end of a 9-5 day is really helpful when I know I'll be part-time in the MBA program and working on this startup. 

This is where the weight loss comes in. My approach to weight loss this time is very different. It isn't about how I look at all.  I just need the energy and the get up and go from being thinner to meet all the goals i have. I feel so lethargic when I'm heavier. I need to just brush off that sludge and be less burdened. I worked full-time through my first masters program and went to school full-time, so I know I can do it. In general, the busier I am, the more energy (adrenaline!) I have to do even more. 

Another major thing is getting pregnant. We've been struggling with fertility issues with 5+ years now. We started fertility treatments last year, not IVF, but the cheaper stuff like Clomid, etc. Luckily, my doctor isn't a jerk about the weight, but the problem is that i'm not ovulating which can be a direct result of being overweight, so I know i need to lose weight. Plus, if i feel burdened and low energy now, and I'm not pregnant, i really need to prepare my body a bit. 

So lots of stuff on the radar, but I love having a lot going on. Gets me way more ramped up than just being lazy.  I'm committing to posting more often to stay focused on my target goals this year! 

Happy 2014! 

Surprisingly hard to find plus-sized suits

Finally got called in for an interview last week. We're planning on moving to LA but don't want to move out there without at least one of us having a job, so we're doing the long distance job search thing.

I got called on Wednesday and scheduled an interview for the following Monday. So I bought a ticket last minute and flew out Sunday. The bummer though was that the job I went out for was already filled. The recruiter really seemed to love me though and was telling me, just get in the door and if you're good, you'll move up fast. So they were trying to convince me to take a different position that would have been a step down and wasn't quite right, but it still paid very well. At least she squeezed three interviews into one day for me.That worked out well in that I didn't have to fly out again. It's in Orange County though and that commute from LA might be painful. In the end, that didn't work out either, so back to the drawing board.

I'm kind of loving funemployment so for now that's okay. As long as Alex is working. I'm definitely putting my time into the job search however. Just appreciating everything I have in my life right now. If I'm going to be unemployed, honestly, i might as well enjoy all the free time and make the most of it!

The good news is that in terms of my goals going forward, I learned a few things from the experience. Also, after that interview, I'm a bit more motivated for the job search.

And for the days before the interview I had an all-out shopping spree looking for just the right suits, etc. When I lost weight post-surgery, I got rid of my suits. And the new jackets I have weren't formal enough for an interview. So I had a major excuse to shop, and that was tons of fun! And now I have everything I need including a great new hair do too. That was desperately needed. My bangs are officially all grown out now! They NEVER looked as good in person as in the profile pic.

The photo at the top is me the morning of the interview... A bit blurry but you get the point. I LOVE the red/pink floral silk blouse I found at Nordstrom Rack. It just made the outfit.

I was VERY surprised however that I had trouble finding plus sized suits (hence the reason it turned into an all-out shopping spree). All my regular go-to places had NOTHING. Macy's, Lane Bryant, etc etc. Neimans had their stuff behind a curtain for a private sale! On a visit to a different Macy's I found the suit above. The only one they had for sale in my size. Good thing it fit! (Though I did have to hem the pants myself).

Surprisingly, I found something else at Talbot's. I had expected their stuff not to be business-y enough, but this ONE jacket on the clearance rack was SO PERFECT. I didn't really have time to order online. By the way, SALE ALERT if you're looking for some deals (not just suits), check out Talbot's online outlet clearance - 75% off!!! In fact, pretty much everywhere I went last week had MAJOR SALES!!

After all that, post interview, I randomly ended up finding a spectacular deal on a Tahari suit! I have two suits already, so this one makes three. I'm hearing more and more that people have to go for 3+ interviews, so at least I'll be prepared. The newest suit is something like this one below. Originally $320, I got it for $40 at Ross! Just the skirt is worth that, and I can wear that on many occasions! What made the deal even better was that I had tried on something very similar at full price the week before. So I definitely appreciated the value!

I had such a shopping high after that, so I actually went to another Ross, but they didn't have any other Tahari suits. I did find a perfect gray and white dress though for $12!!!! Great quality, flattering, with little sleeves. Still can't believe the deal. Perfect with a suit jacket for an interview, or alone for a date, or even just a normal day in the office. Once I have an office to go to...

I did go to the gym a couple of times since my last post, but with the interview prep and travel, that definitely threw things off. And true to form, post interview when all the stress was over, I found myself wanting to eat...and I did a little bit. Got stuck at the airport because of the Phoenix sand storm so had nothing but time to munch. oh no!

Definitely have to keep my eye on the scale. The biggest thing for us is being sure we go grocery shopping. Not having food in the house = fast food or eating out = BAD!

Workout Music Suggestions?

So I joined the gym today! Yay! Found an all-women's gym not too far away which is great. Felt really good post workout, then took a quick swim after, and then the post-gym crash/hunger hit me. I wasn't too bad though. Had some plain oatmeal with nuts and iced coffee which was my breakfast.

Definitely felt a stress-relief post workout. Haven't started strength-training. Will work up to that, just did cardio and stretching and sit ups for now.

I'll feel so much better with 20 lbs off. Even being heavy, I'm 20lbs more than i prefer to be at and my clothes are tighter than i like. Have been for quite a while really.

So now that I'm getting back into the workout thing, do you have workout music you like or links to other blog posts you can send me? I want to keep my workout mix fresh to keep things interesting.

Staying with Fam for the Week

I'm here in Houston with my mom this week. I'll be carless (in the suburbs) and have a few big projects to work on, so I went grocery shopping tonight and that's it.

So I dont plan on getting much swimming or exercise in (except if i happen to head over to my sister's place and her pool), but I really won't be able to go get any fast food or do much damage beyond what's in the house. So I think this week should be good. May do some neighborhood dog walks if it's not in the 100s.

So we'll see how I fare weight-wise once I get back to Austin. I'll be here for 7 or 8 days through the 4th of July weekend. I'm looking forward to lots of downtime at my mom's. I have some photography projects and have promised to completely organize her office. Basically it was never unpacked when she moved and since then, it's become a catch-all room, so I have my work cut out for me!

Down 4 lbs on my yo-yo coaster

I got on the scale in a funk this morning. Haven't weighed myself in more than a week, and for whatever reason, was just like "Oh great" my weight's going to be up too.

Yes, it's one of those mornings.

However, the weight wasn't up. It was DOWN 4 lbs!! Now granted, I think that the number was UP last time I weighed given my TOM or something. However, I'll take what I can get. It wasn't up, it was DOWN. And DOWN 4 lbs! So the swims and eating at home and eating more veg must be helping!

My yo-yo coaster is at least headed in the right direction. Woooooo!!! (That's me, arms up, going down in a roller coaster).

A Belated Honeymoon!?!? Tahiti!?!?

My husband is Mr. Internet deal, and he's just found an amazing trip to Tahiti for a steal!

It's been about a year and a half since our wedding. Originally, we thought we'd put off the honeymoon for a few months, but then Alex lost his job, and we moved to Austin, so it all got put on hold.

Now that we're trying more seriously to get pregnant, Alex and I discussed the fact that if things work out as planned, this could be our last chance to take our honeymoon which is really important to me, and we still have savings from the Honeymoon Registry we did for the wedding. And now, I have some extra cash from a freelance job I just did, so we're looking at Labor Day!!!

We've debated on Spain, France, Italy or Tahiti but really thought the South Pacific was just completely unrealistic. That is until we found this deal.

I want to research it and make sure it's the right decision. Plus, Alex will need to clear it with his boss.

Fingers crossed! That'd be a fun weight loss goal to have!

Avoiding Fast Food - What Do You Cook at Home?

You'd think just being vegetarian would help me avoid fast food. It's not like there's tons that I can eat, but I manage to find things. It's easy, cheap and convenient.

Being at home these days, I have decided to refocus on getting healthy. So one of the first steps is no fast food. I've allowed myself diet sodas as an exception when running errands, shopping.

So I made up a meal plan for the week, and I've done all of my coffees at home (my FAVORITE thing is going out for a morning coffee!). The trick is just making my coffee at home good enough to compete with what I get when i go out. So iced coffee is the thing for me. Lots of ice, with a straw.

We've already been on a salad kick, and had been trying to eat in more both for budget and health. So this week I put together our meal plan, and so far so good.

However, we're trying to avoid relying too much on pasta. We already do tons of mexican food. A couple of people replied to this question on Facebook, but I'd love to hear more ideas.

What do you guys like to cook at home for lunches/dinner?

Even if it's meat, i can usually make a substitute version. My favorite suggestion so far was bangers and mash! I can do those soy, Alex can do his meat and i can add some veg. So easy!!

Any go-to at-home meal ideas you can share?

Who else gets sleepy after a workout?

I went for another swim this morning, in my new swimsuit which i love! And now, 2 hours later, I'm getting. very. sleeeeeepy.

Do you guys get sleepy after a workout?

I lost a ton of weight a ton of years ago and at the time, tried many times to do morning workouts and then go to work, but I just couldn't get anything done because I'd be either feeling week, way too relaxed and always very sleepy. I was in pretty decent shape at the time, so I'm thinking it's not a weight issue.

Or on the weekends if i tried it, it would just kill the rest of my day.

So i took to a nighttime workout which worked well because i'd go on the way home from work and then sleep well.

These days, I'm at home, and schedule-wise, it's just better to work out in the morning first thing, then shower and go on with my day. Then i can spend my evenings with my husband. I'm also afraid if i leave the workout to the evening, it might not happen.

Has anyone else experienced this? Any thoughts?

Today I decided to respect the band

It might seem so obvious to other bandsters, but today I made a conscious decision to respect the band and to stop eating right away when I felt restriction.

This led to a total of 6 mini-meals, but overall I think it worked quite well. I definitely wasn't at all hungry. It was just about fighting that urge to feel like you wasted food. Some of what I had at home, I could just put back. And at lunch I had 1/2 a small side salad and 3/4 of a piece of bruschetta. It seemed like a waste to be in a restaurant and not eat what I ordered, but I took the other bruschetta home. We'll see if it gets eaten though. The topping came separate from the bread for some reason, so it might get repurposed into another meal, who knows!?

The problem is that later in the day, the band is always much looser. So for dinner, I ordered this big plate of veggies and rice from one of my favorite restaurants and was able to eat half of it before getting full. Veggies seems like a great choice, but the problem with this dish and why it's SO GOOD is that its made with a ton of butter and cheese. I figured it was better to eat lovely, lightly cooked veg even with the butter and cheese than the enchilada alternative. Despite the fat, I'm at least also getting the health benefits of all that veg and brown rice.

I might avoid that dish in the future however, or order it with way less cheese and butter.

But today's experiment was less about what I ate and more about stopping when I'm restricted, and I think I did a good job at that. I'm going to keep at it and slowly make healthier choices. We're already eating at home much more often despite eating out today. I had a friend in town so things were a bit different than usual.

What do you get stuck on?

The band has been acting up a fair bit the last 2 weeks. Or maybe I should say "working," which led me to thinking about the things I get "stuck" on. If I was smart, I'd cut them out of my life entirely, but until now I've been too _____(insert proper word here)______ to do that.

So, what is it I get stuck on???

- french fries (yes, I know, why am i eating these)

- tator tots (ditto)

- hamburger buns

- bread

- tortillas

- enchiladas

- quesadillas

- taco shells (I'm in Texas, LOTS of mexican food!)

- pita chips

- eggs

- dry nuts

- rice

- sushi rolls

- soy meats

- cooked tofu (the only way I eat it)

- pizza crust

- raw carrots (am actually afraid of them, won't eat them)

- bagels (i don't even bother trying)

Notice a theme here???

Since I don't eat meat, and unfortunately tend to lean on a fast food / takeout diet on occasion, carbs definitely tend to be involved in most of my menu options. Alex and I have a new commitment to eating at home and eating salads as a staple. Luckily, I never get stuck on salads. (Pasta never seems to be an issue either).

I need to rethink my diet and proteins however and let the band work. Of course i keep getting stuck if I keep making the wrong food choices.

If you know me, and i stop and pause during a meal. Kind of still and thoughtful. And then you see me stretch, you'll know what the deal is.

Getting stuck is deal-able, just not comfortable. On occasion more than uncomfortable. There will be a pain in my chest. Tightness. Tension in my back. If it's bad, a pain in my shoulder and a quick tension headache. It lasts a second and passes once I'm unstuck.

I don't PB much. If I do, I basically know i went too far. The inconsistency is surprising. One day or one meal I can eat the whole meal, another time, a few bites and that's that. The problems is that my trick is that I just wait, food passes, and i keep eating. Time to stop that too.

So what do you get stuck on? Do you have any foods you get stuck on that you for whatever reason keep eating? (if you don't mind sharing, any thoughts on why you still eat those foods?)

For me, I think i'm just *still* in denial that I can't eat certain things. Post-band it was like a point of pride that I could still be normal and people can't tell I'm banded. And sometimes I really am just normal. I just can't completely pig out and eat a full plate and then seconds.

Swimming!

I was super psyched when I found this cute retro little number IN MY SIZE and for $20-something dollars! The reviews all say it's got great support too. My old swimsuit was sadly (or sag-ily) lacking! I like the hip coverage too without having to go the awful plus-size swimskirt route.

Why do I need a new swimsuit?!? I've decided swimming will be a good way to ease back into working out. Beyond some nice long dog walks, it's been ages since I had a proper workout. Well except for my recent visit to our apartment's swimming pool which is super clean and really quite charming. That swim just reinforced how pathetically the old swimsuit fits. Or just entirely doesn't fit -- on top. It kind of made me understand a bit better how all these celebrity wardrobe malfunctions happen.

As for swimming, I found a particular time of morning when no one uses the pool, and it's a pretty big pool, so I started doing laps. I discovered it actually made my legs and lower back a bit sore. I noticed i had some odd posture while swimming, but it made me feel good to have gotten a good enough workout to be sore in a swimming pool. I'll have to watch my "form" in regard to my lower back though. But the sore legs were definitely from all the work, not bad form.

It did feel like work, but it was so enjoyable, it makes you wonder, how is this a workout!?! I was tired enough the rest of the day to know it definitely had some impact.

I think it's a good way to kick start some exercise! I'm looking at a women's gym by Alex's office that's pretty cheap and offers a short term summer contract. I'm still considering the financials, but I think it'd be a healthy option, both mentally and physically, to drop Alex off at work and get to the gym every morning. One of the job search books I was reading emphasized the importance of staying relaxed and happy and interested in life while job searching. It makes you a better interviewee and will help your confidence!

Great news today!

So I can let out a sigh of relief tonight. Despite all the negative-talk from the person I spoke to on the phone, I got an approval letter for Texas Unemployment. It's not a ton of money but just enough to make ends meet! Whew!

Life update

Hey everyone. So it's been a while, but I'm still here fighting the good fight. Sometimes (at least when it comes to food).

Lots has changed and lots is the same. The big news is that I lost my job. So I've joined the ranks of the nation's unemployed. After about a year of letting me work long distance, my company changed their mind. They talked about creating a new tech trainer job for me, but the funding didn't come through. And a few of our higher ups asked me to apply for a rep job that opened up in LA. I was on the fence about that but was trying to keep an open mind. They ended up switching things around and getting a rep for a different territory however, so that didn't work out. Now, I've been working on freelance projects for them which is a mixed blessing. It's great in that it pays (and the work is interesting)! But sometimes I feel like I can't really move on if I continue to be connected to this company that laid me off. Plus I find it to be a bit of distraction in terms of the job search. So...I'm just going to go with the flow for now and see what comes my way. Staying open to freelancing as maybe that's what's in the cards if it works out?

Assuming unemployment comes through, all will be okay, but so far I've been rejected by NY state because I live in TX, and TX told me on the phone that it should have been NY that paid me because I had a NY-based employer). So I'm expecting a rejection letter from TX any day now. I feel confident we can make ends meet in whatever ways we have to, but my husband gets stressed out about it, reasonably so. I think I'm just more naturally inclined to look on the bright side. However, it is certainly an added complication since I was the breadwinner. If TX does reject me, I'll have to go back and ask them to review my case again.

So we cut expenses, and I'm really proud that we were able to tighten our belts so much. The student loans all went on hold too which is a really big deal. The biggest thing we did though is move to a MUCH cheaper apt. We are in a more suburban area now. Bye bye beautiful downtown apartment. But this place has its plusses including way more storage and an office (which i LOVE!).

That's the big picture update. Now that I have more time, I'll be sure and provide more updates. Lots going on with weight loss efforts too. But I'll post all of that in other posts!

Cookies...uh oh

So everyone was talking about making fires for the east coast blizzard a couple of days ago and someone else said they'd bake, so i got it into my head that i'd bake.

So i took a favorite recipe and cut it in four and used extra WW points i had that day for a handful of cookies as my splurge. Alex and i shared of course.

Day 2 extra points again, made 1/4 of a WW pnut butter cookie recipe.

Today, had a bad day, and ate the remaining cookies. Then baked another 1/4 batch of a non-WW recipe.

I kind of went with the cookie option too because it involves the whole rigamarole of baking and doing the baking dishes in order to reap the reward. I figured i wouldnt want to do that on a regular basis (unlike the option of getting something bad at the store or fast food).

I'm still "on points" miraculously by using part or most of my weekly bonus point allotment.

Part of why i like WW is that it's all about portion control. Which with the exception of the cookies, I've had tons of. Also that you can eat "real" food on it, live a real life, and still have it work.

However, even though i can get away with this, the whole point is to eat healthier. Which in every other way i have been. Tons more fresh foods, fruit and veg etc.

And of course, the whole overall lesson is not to binge and not to turn to food when i'm bummed out.

But i think today was the true screw up day, even if by WW standards i didn't technically. So i learn my lesson today and move fwd tomorrow. Eating so much sugar isn't a good thing, that's for sure.

Short term goals

I've decided that short-term weight loss goals really are the thing that keep me ticking.

So, to that end, I'm going to add a new short term goal tracker. Right now, it was a 18 pound loss i was looking for. 6 of those down! So i'm going to try and add a ticker to the top of the page to distinguish from the one on the side.

My goal is to look like my after picture again

I had a commenter on a recent article note that I must be doing well because she'd taken a look at my after pics on the right nav.

The problem is, as I've mentioned, that I gained a lot of that weight back.

I had Alex take a recent current photo of me but decided it might not be a fair one to use in my before and after shots since i'm wearing foundation garments that make me look skinnier on the bottom than i am! I've added one of the pics here for you guys though! Growing out my bangs is making weird things happen with my hair too!

The good news is, I weighed myself today, granted on a non-weigh in day, and I'm down another 3 pounds since this past weekend.

Can that be right?

It's not official until the same number shows up this coming weekend. But it is encouraging! My goal had been to be down 10 pounds before all my presentations next week at our sales mtg. So far I'm down 6 with 6 days to go! Yay!

Very motivating!

Mmm...Can't wait to make these

I've stumbled upon a few great looking vegetarian recipes yesterday and today. Can't wait to make these healthy-style. Small portions, of course!

Peanut Stew with Spinach and Sweet Potatoes (WW recipe)

Tofu Parmigiana

Szechuan Tofu with Green Beans

and Red Curry with Vegetables

Pumpkin Gnocci (or butternut! MMMM...)

I'd have to cut down the amount of butter and flour on this last one by halving or quartering the recipe, and cut the parm on top.