Gains and losses

Last week was my first of 5 trips. 6 if you count Houston.

So I had great intentions in regard to my eating, but I do what i always do when i work 16+ hour days and instead i just ate to get through it. All week I worked like a dog.

Next week marks the beginning of our summer sales meeting, and that means 1 year since the start of my pre-surgery diet. I don't really want to do a bandiversary write up now, but one interesting thing that happened this week was that I saw someone I hadn't seen in about a year, and he was raving about how great i look.

It really took me off guard because although i had lost about 40 pounds, I gained more than half back. So in my mind, I gained weight, but to him, since he hadn't seen me, I'm still lower than i was before and that made me feel good. It was certainly a reminder of how far those compliments go to spur on additional weight loss.

Peru Pics

I just realized that I never shared photos from our trip to Peru. I would highly recommend it to anyone looking for exotic, beautiful, inexpensive travel. We were in Lima / Miraflores on the coast and then Arequipa up in the Andes mountains. We didn't at all miss that we didn't get to go Machu Picchu. The altitude would have really been too much for Alex. Someday though. This was his second trip since his Dad is Peruvian. It was my first visit, and I definitely plan on returning soon!

A few highlights from the trip are below. Or see more on Flickr.

Off to NYC

Tomorrow starts the first of 5 trips i have in the next month. Two to NYC, two to CA and one to El Paso. I have mixed feelings about it, but I do know it'll be lots of work.

Usually I stay in a hotel when i got to NYC for work, but this time I'm staying in our company apartment. I'm not sure how I feel about it just yet, since I haven't stayed there before and it's a shared apt. We'll see!

I've decided to do low sugar next week to see if I can A) not get too crazy eating out since I'll be eating out for all my meals and B) increase my energy level since NYC always takes it out of me. Work will be so busy that I think I just really need all the energy I can get. Plus perhaps this small thing will be the boost I need to get back on track with my eating habits instead of letting travel derail me as it usually does.

I dont think derail is the right word though because i'm pretty much as off track as I could be at the moment.

I need to just make myself only eat when I'm hungry because these days, there is lots and lots of snacking going on in my house!

Still here

Just living life. I'm actually really happy in Austin though Alex is having a hard time. Being back in Texas has lead to weight gain which i guess is part of why I haven't been posting. I don't want to complain or spend time justifying so I just haven't been posting. I kind of knew that the whole car, Texas, fast-food lifestyle would equal pounds added. One of the reasons I was so excited to move to NYC in the first place was to be more active.

But in this moment, I'm just loving being lazy and in other ways, I'm just so much more active and social in Austin since I can get around so much easier with my car. I just need to make better choices wherever I am.

I'll post again in a couple of days and see where my head is food-wise. Right now, I'm enjoying the last day of my 4th of July holiday weekend. We're house-sitting for my sister and it feels like a vacation rental with the pool and big screen tvs and "outdoor kitchen/bbq" and movie marathon. It's been a pretty fab holiday weekend!

Back from Peru

We came back from Peru last week and things have been a bit chaotic. But the trip was awesome. In fact, I'm wondering why we came back?

The trip started off good and bad. The bad, we got bumped because of a volcano in Ecuador and ended up just waiting and waiting for a couple of days as result. The good was that Alex talked them into bumping us up into first class. Yay! That was fun. Above is a photo of just how big the seat belts are in first class. And that's a fancy menu under the seat belt. I've been bumped up a few times but given this was an international flight it was the most plush including a full reclining bed.

I had no trouble with the vegetarian thing but most of our trip we were in a town called Arequipa up in the Andes and I noticed that altitude affects tightness of the band! I definitely got full fast.

In general, with the type of big meals we were having on vacation, the band definitely did it's job. In fact, in one super high end restaurant in Lima, all the waiters were just oh so concerned about why I wasn't eating my entree!

I try to stay positive in general but this blog is where i can just let it all hang out there. Since we've been back life has just kind of sucked. Alex had a stomach virus when we got back, then i got a bad cold then today, Alex stepped on a manhole cover that wasn't secured and it flipped up and he tripped and fell and we ended up in the emergency room and he has a sprained knee.

On top of all that Alex had a second interview for a great full time gig this week and it was just a bomb. So he's just really unhappy and of course that makes me unhappy.

Otherwise, we really like Austin and I'm in a good place, but things won't really click into place until Alex finds a good job.

I'll share pics from the trip when i have them all ready!

Off to Lima Land

I am so ready to be on vacation already. I like New York, but all week, I've just wanted to get the hell out of here!

One more day and I'm gone. But i'm handing over my computer so I wont have blog access until I'm back from Peru in a little more than a week.

I've been looking at pics of Lima and Arequipa to get psyched up! Here's a little something from Lima above.

Blogland privacy

Catherine has a great post about band-privacy and bloggers. Despite the fact that we blog, many of us don't want others to know about our band. (For me, I've hidden this blog link on my profile, etc).

Catherine points out the importance of maintaining confidentiality if ever discussing a friend of colleague's blog. Very interesting.

http://chroniclesfrombandland.blogspot.com/2010/05/back-in-town-and-blog-etiquette.html

funky

Not in a good way. feeling a smidge bad funky. Last week ended 4 days of veggie extravaganza, 4 pounds down, but on day 5 I caved and that same morning was up 2 pounds. Lame.

In general, I definitely got a lift from the effort however.

I'm in NYC for work this week then directly from here, Alex and I are off to Peru! Yay! Vacation!

I'm hoping to just not gain this week and next and then do weight watchers after that.

I had to pack for both trips (one rolling backpack, SO proud of myself). I definitely felt like I was off on vacation, except I wasn't and had to go to work. Work isn't too tough but it's a week of long meetings.

Not sure why but I'm just a bit off. Lack of interest. I'm fine at work but dont feel like doing anything. Even anything fun. Oh well.

I am looking forward to next week in Peru. Though I miss my pups!

And one more pound down for good measure

There's nothing like losing weight to motivate you to stay on track!

I had a wretched night's sleep with these stitches in my head and on any other day I'd be off for a sugary frappe and pastry, but instead, I got on the scale and was thrilled to see another pound down.

Now, I can guess that the reason this has been so successful is because I was being SO bad before. But since I was so out of control with my eating, this was just the thing I needed to change my
mindset.

Another pound down and a little outpatient surgery

I woke up to find myself another pound down today. Yay!

Otherwise, it hasn't been a fab day. I had a very minor surgical procedure this morning and now I have 8 stitches on my scalp and two very nasty looking scars. And they shaved a wee bit of my hair. This was all to remove two very large cysts. Ew!

They cut me up and sent me home and after having stayed up super late for an important work project I had due this afternoon and getting up relatively early for me for the procedure, I'm pooped. Plus I have no medicine for the post procedure pain. Which is fine, but it is super tender and I have a really wicked headache even after taking a couple of excedrin migraine. Normally just one does the trick.

Alex had driven me to the appointment and back and afterwards, he was like, "you want to drive through and get something? You've been so good and you deserve it since you just had surgery." OH NO! So this morning I said no but after work, with my raging headache, I broke down and had a frappe minus the whipped cream. And a bean burrito. I'm still within my current low daily calories window, but it did kind of blow my whole veggie extravaganza/no sugar/no carbs thing. Depending on what I do for the rest of the day, that will likely put me over a bit.

Bell pepper in a hole

Mmm...had these for breakfast, minus the yolks and without any of the optional bread in the recipe.

I did baby red bell peppers however so they were smaller. The recipe post also suggests doing an cooked ring of onion with the egg inside. That was the BEST. The onion really complimented the egg flavor.

In general, I miss some of the sugar and carbs on my veggie extravaganza, but I *love* what I am able to eat. YUM!

Recipe and photo above from Gina's Recipes. Definitely a favorite website for healthy recipes.

Super Full

Just one more reminder that the band friggin works in terms of making me full! I had half a can of beans with salsa, light sour cream and a smidge of cheese. And wow, I'm full!

I'm fine for now but my head doesn't entirely accept my stomach's conclusion that no more food is necessary!

The great thing about this week's veggie extravaganza (even if it's beans in this case) is that this type of eating allows me to eat so much and still be so low in calorie count!

2 pounds down for cranky pants

Not sure why but I am a TOTAL cranky pants today. Maybe it's the results of yesterdays diet and lack of sugar. It feels more hormonal than that. These are the days when I would normally just EATTTT but not today. I'm sticking with this.

I'm finding the biggest challenge is just that i'm really into my food being instant, grabbable and convenient and veggies dont allow a ton of that. I tried to eat quick carrots yesterday but got stuck so i had to steam them.

All I've had today was a skim half-caf hot coffee. I enjoyed half of it and didn't even want the rest. I don't really want to eat but the problem with that is that come lunch I'll be crazy ravenous so i have to avoid that.

The good news is that I'm 2 pounds down already! I'm sure not entirely from 1 day of dieting but whatever, I'll take it! I think maybe yesterday's 2 pounds up was a fluke, but I'm happy. I'm heading in the direction I wanted which is what this week is all about. A kick start and a break from my total sugar / carb addiction!

Dr. K was right!

Before I left NYC, when I saw Dr. Kurian and told her about our move, she mentioned to me that I might have trouble finding a doctor who would take patients who had already been banded. She said that some bariatric doctors prefer to take on follow up care only for their own patients.

My interpretation was that it just isn't profitable enough for them to handle maintenance.

There are a few lap-band places here in Austin, so I called the one that was recommended to me today to get an appointment for a fill, and I was told about their approval process.

The receptionist explained how the panel of doctors needs to see my paperwork and decide whether or not they'll accept me. She explained that since I haven't had problems since the surgery and since I had the surgery in NYC because I lived there at the time, that they would likely accept me. She added that mostly, they just don't want all the people going to Mexico for surgery (especially here in TX I guess?) ending up as their patients to take care of.

I was a bit shocked that she said that so openly! And in many ways it fits with what Dr. K had warned me about, though I guess I won't have a problem being approved.

She asked my pre-surgery and current weight and then said, oh yes, you really do need some follow up! : (

So now I have to put together my documentation for them and wait to be approved by their committee!

Veggie Extravaganza

Today was day 1 of 5 of my veggie extravaganza. I just needed a major kick start so my rules are all-vegetables plus a very limited amount of skinny proteins and protein shakes. I'm allowing a piece of fruit too as a treat.

I'm trying to stay at around 1000 calories a day so I'm counting calories too.

The twist is that I decided that I'd get into foodie-mode making the vegetable dishes. That's my challenge and what keeps my mind occupied. So today for lunch I made a lima bean, pea, onion and red pepper salad with a little balsamic and salt and pepper. SOO SOO good! I never would have thought of it except that a friend and I had a sample of something similar recently. I switched it up a bit. I'll post a link to the exact recipe on my other blog soon.

For an early dinner, I made a pasta- and oil-free version of this asparagus and mushroom dish with tomatoes, garlic, soy bacon crumbles, and a smidge of parmesan cheese.

I was doing really well until we went to run some errands and went to the grocery store. That really made me want to binge on cookies and sweets. So instead I got a sugar free fudge pop. Didn't totally do the trick and when i got home I found myself eating a little bit of peanut butter. But it's a protein and I kept it in my food count.

I just want to get rid of all the sugar and carbs in my system this week, lose a couple of pounds (this morning the scale was up ANOTHER 2 pounds since yesterday!), and just be in a better mindset. From there, I might start Weight Watchers when we're back from our NYC / Peru trips. Something I'm more likely to be able to maintain from here on out.

My first VLOG

My first VLOG. I meant to do it before the haircut, but oh wells! There was one particular vlogger whose before and after videos were so significant it was as though she wasn't even the same person. Her entire persona changed. Check it out here. I kind of want that in terms of how I carry my weight, etc.

So here's the "before." I'd be happy with even 50 or 55 more pounds down for an "after."

More to come on the veggie extravaganza I have planned this week to get back on track! I'm approaching it as a cooking challenge to make it more interesting. Check back for all my creative veggie meals.

And for those of you who read this post / watch my video, please leave a comment! It felt like a big deal doing a web video and I'd love to hear from you guys!

Being honest with the weight tracker

I mention in my VLOG that the scale is up. So to stay honest, I've finally updated my weight tracker on the right. Overall, I've gained back 15 pounds in the past 6 months. I'm still 25 pounds down however from my highest pre-surgery weight.

I seem to have landed at the same damn weight I always was. It's interesting how we settle in at certain weights. My clothes are tighter and I'm certainly not going up again in clothes sizes, so here's where I check myself and fix this.

UPDATE: Today the scale went up another 2 lbs since yesterday! Hopefully those are temporary be gone tomorrow pounds however...

Before and After HAIR

Sometimes my hair is a reflection of my mental state. Frizzy hair in a pony tail with bad roots = blah blah blah.

So I decided I was in need of a major shake up. I liked the short bob some of you might remember from earlier this year, but this time I wanted more change. Since my last major cut, it had grown out and was just overgrown. Before and after cut above. (Didn't get before and after cut and color! oops!)

So now I have bangs and an asymmetrical bob. Plus a new darker color. The lighter color I had was pretty brassy. I'm loving the new color and all my gray is covered!

Alex snapped this photo below of my brassy color and bad roots when we went strawberry picking. That was just the last straw!

I used to wear my hair like this in high school, so it was a bit of a flash back. The major difference is that my hair is so much thinner than before, especially the bangs, but I'm happy with it for now. It definitely served the purpose I needed it to in terms of change.

Time to Fess Up! I've been a bit out of control

When even Alex is making comments about my eating, I know it's time to suck it up and do something.  Some of it might be working from home too.  I just want to friggin eat ALL THE TIME!  Snack snack snack!

People talk about the band and healthy eating not being "a diet" and all, but for me, I just need rules and restrictions and some discipline otherwise it's an all out feeding frenzy.  All the weight is just creeping back on.  For whatever reason I have ZERO interest in exercise, but I was thinking it would be quite lovely to eat lots of fresh veg and just stick to that cooking and being creative.  I'm also going to give the Wii fit a shot.   

So I've decided to try and kick start myself and lose a few pounds so my clothes fit again(!) I'm going to do a variation of my pre-surgery diet.  Some protein shakes and lots and lots of fresh veg!  We went shopping today and I'm all stocked up.  

Usually once I get a start, that helps in making me want to do more exercise more.

A Better Day

Today was a very interesting day.  After my funky post yesterday, Alex and I had a long talk about our goals and then we watched the movie An Education.  Phenomenal movie by the way.  I think between those three things (and all the support from you guys), I was just thinking about change and what's good in life and that definitely put me in a better more proactive mood.

Working from home today was still a bit of a downer at first, though i was at my desk and in my work clothes once again.  I was a bit on the slow side but productive.

And Alex and I are recording what we eat.  Always a major thing for me in regards to success.  For me, writing down what i eat consistently works!

Alex has been working out a lot and he decided to try no-carb today but tonight he was just going crazy thinking about what he can't have.  Literally a bit crazy.  Have rarely seen him like this.  And that was after he caved a wee bit and had some carbs.

He's big on the no carb approach since it's worked well for him before, but I try and remind him that Weight Watchers worked well for him before too!  And that we can do together. 

I have been really impressed with his workout regimen however.  I think for him, that's pretty key to his weight loss.  And my guess is he needs a fill, but he's not convinced!

I need a new ticker showing weight gained

I checked the scale again this morning and it's three pounds up.  And instead of being in diet mode today, I'm just depressed (I doubt in reaction to the scale), and instead, I just want to eat.

This is that oh so familiar terrain of my "just get through the day" or even the moment food mantra.

[//sound of me chompering on a McDonald's apple pie.]

I'm being a wah wah baby (as Alex likes to say)

Alex's favorite expression is wah wah baby.  Like when I'm complaining or in general unhappy with the world.

So today I'm just in a funk.  No real explanation.  I'm sure working from home isn't helping.  I need to be more disciplined about working at my desk, wearing proper work clothes, etc.

I got up and showered as I do every single day.  I haven't been so bad as to just work from the bed (ha!) but I chose my velour pants and snuggled up on the couch with my laptop all day.  Why this would make a huge difference mentally over working at my desk is crazy.  But it matters.

And I knew that and did it anyway because I was just oh so comfortable on the couch.  Me and comfortable don't always work well together.  I need a little discipline and discomfort in my life it seems!

That's definitely a metaphor for my food and exercise habits too.

Inconsistent band

I know most of you out there have experienced this.  Last night, I wasn't even feeling the band.  I'm starting a new kick cooking and eating healthier at home.  Had my dinner with proteins and veg and was shocked that I wasn't full after.  I kept saying I was "hungry" though that's a relative thing.

But I was a smidge hungry so I had more, and then a little more after that.  I got satisfied though never full.

Now, I'm trying to eat a couple of strawberries and I'm full.  I needed this restriction last night!

As I approach my bandiversary

I need to reflect on my forthcoming bandiversary this summer.  To me, that is the beginning of the liquid diet pre-surgery which was mid-July.

So basically, in 3 months, it will be 1 year since this all began.  And honestly, I'm not at all happy with where I am in this process.  The band works,  but I find lots and lots of ways to sabotage myself.

The truth is that I only lost weight in the first 2 months.  Much of it in the fast before the surgery.  It's true that I've had an obscene amount of change this year, but I'm kind of tired of excuses.  I see only more change coming in terms of wanting to get pregnant and have kids.  So now's the time lady!!

So what will it take for me to feel like I've had some success this year?    A MINIMUM of 50 lbs lost. Really, I expected to have lost 100.  But that's not where it's at for me.  So if I'm going to be real, at least 50 down is where it's at.  That's 20 more pounds in 3 months.

Perhaps I need to get back on that pre-surgery diet where I could eat veg and broth and protein shakes.  All those fresh greens were so wonderful!

Am the only one who keeps eating the same foods even though I get stuck on them?

Speaking of getting stuck (my post on eggs yesterday), am I the only one who just keeps on eating the same foods even though I get stuck (a bit) on them when I eat them?

Mostly, it's breads.  But since I just sit up straight and give it a minute and it usually passes, I haven't given up those foods altogether.

Am I the only one?

I was thinking back on some past comments suggesting that perhaps I wasn't getting more fills because that would mean I couldn't keep eating the foods I wanted to.  I took that comment in the spirit it was intended, as helpful and supportive.  At the time, I don't think that was true.  I was just appropriately full.  However, now, that might just be the case.  I like that I'm "normal" when I go out to eat with people and it's not all that obvious that I'm "different."  I may eat less than others but I don't feel like an outcast or anything!

But the compromise there is that I'm giving up potential weight loss in order to keep eating, bottom line.  Time to challenge myself a bit more!