My most recent fill and addictive eating

Those of you who follow this blog know that I struggle with poor eating habits or emotional eating. And really its more than that. There are times when I'm full, and I just keep eating because I'm seeking something more than taste or sustenance from the food. And that's where the band doesn't fix the problem. The mental reasons we eat. I watched something on TV last night about addictive eating and that of course is the heart of it.

You can't go cold turkey, you have to eat something, so it's a challenge. And if I'm honest, I basically just stopped taking responsibility for my eating for a while post band, because I thought, hey, isn't the band supposed to be doing the work, not me?

I had a fill before LA, and it really put me at a sweet spot and that helped a bit to get my head straight. Unless the band loosens a bit, I definitely would not want any more of a fill. I can eat but not too much. I get stuck on occasion but don't really have any problems with PBs etc. I think I'm in a good place.

It's been less than in weeks past, but there still have been occasions where I just want to binge basically. Binge is a relative thing of course. I don't mean shove food in my face as fast and as much as I can. But I do mean getting soda, chips, and candy bar and chowing down.

I tend to want to do this when I get home from work. But what happens if I'm already full, I shouldn't still want to eat that junk. But I do anyway. And in fact, it's hard to talk myself out of it. It's just in my head that it'll make me feel better. And it does, that's the problem.

Alex had a large fill this week, and it did a lot to help limit how much he can eat. It's good for he and I to both be on the same page about meals, etc. So that will hopefully help us both be good influences on the other.

I wonder about this addictive eating thing. I expected all the band blogs to deal with this issue very regularly, but I only see a few bloggers talk about patterns similar to mine.

Curious how many of you out there deal with these same issues and how they affect your weight loss success.

Lap-Band Billboards

I wanted to post this pic from my trip to California last week. We were driving a lot in LA and everywhere we went, I saw these billboards for the Lap-Band surgery. I wasn't really a fan of them though because they made it seem like a quick fix and almost like a cosmetic surgery or a pill you pop.

In fact, I was thinking I definitely would not tell my LA friends and family especially after seeing the way it's promoted there. I'd be afraid people wouldn't take me seriously with it.

Those of us who are banded already struggle with people who think we take the easy way out, and this definitely just makes it worse.

Back from LA

Whew! What a whirlwind life has been lately. So as you know, I'm moving to Austin, and now we're down to the last TWO weeks! Crazy. I FINALLY got to make the big announcement at work today, so I was pretty much gabbing with everyone all day long! When I'd say I was moving to Austin, they all assumed i was leaving the company, but nope! And they were all relieved when I said I wasn't which makes you feel good.

I had a last minute business trip to LA last week which was fab. GORGEOUS weather, especially when compared to all the snow in NYC. Totally missed the whole storm. Yay!

I had less free time than expected, but work-wise it was just excellent. Visited with lots of customers, was really motivated job-wise and had a lot of fun with my coworkers. A great opportunity for professional growth too.

I had been a bit nervous about getting a fill right before the trip given all the business meals etc, but that turned out okay.

It's interesting because for some meals with our managers and one of our authors, I felt like I had to explain why i was eating so little, and then for other meals with my aunt and uncle (who i visited on the last day), I felt like i was eating a lot! I probably ate the same in both situations however.

So much to love about LA including the scenery, all the posh-ness ;), and that FAB weather. However, the crazyyyyy traffic, not so much. And somehow I thought the traffic wouldn't bother me after driving in New York!

Looks like I'll be traveling lots more for this new job. Mostly in and around Texas since they want to take advantage of having me living / working "in the field" but I'll probably be all over the US in general. I'm cool with it, but we'll have to see how Alex reacts. I keep telling him to expect it, so we'll see how it goes!

Do you gurgle and make noises?

So I was talking to a friend a while back who doesn't know I have the band, and she was talking about a different friend of hers who does (rather judgementally, just reaffirming why I haven't told her.)

One of the things she mentioned was that this friend "makes noises." Her stomach gurgles and makes all sorts of sounds after she eats.

And for some reason after that I started paying more attention and noticing that my stomach also gurgles. Sometimes it sounds like it's growling, other times like it's "processing." It's not related to gas or an upset stomach or anything like that. I just make weird noises. HA!

At first it was just at night in bed, Alex would hear it and chuckle. But as I get additional fills, I've started hearing it at work too.

Just every once in a while, nothing too embarassing yet. But it caught my attention when my friend brought up the topic. I'd hate for her to hear my tummy and with all the other clues figure out my little secret!

Have any of you experienced this? And it's new post-band right?

Today is my 6 month bandiversary

In general, not sure how I feel about that. I do know that despite not having lost as much weight as I could have, I am definitely glad I got the band. It just makes me pay more attention and makes me more accountable.

And with one or two exceptions in regard to experiences, in general I'm not a freak or outcast when it comes to other people who don't know about the band. I'm still pretty normal overall. I'll have to write about this new tummy gurgling thing soon though.

And the good is that my blood pressure is normal now, and I have lost 35 pounds.

However, I'm glad it was covered by insurance. Had I spent all that in cash or even a large deductible, I would be quite upset about my current status.

I'll write more later on this topic...

Got the ok to get pregnant (and a hug from Dr. K)

So today's visit with Dr. K turned out to be a good one. I hadn't been to the NYU office in 6 weeks as it turned out, and in that time, I gained 6 pounds.

I wasn't surprised by that as I've been watching the scale, but of course the question came as to why.

I told her the truth which is just that I've been struggling with emotional eating, and I've had a fair amount of stress. She was surprisingly receptive when I told her about Alex being laid off and all the lay offs at my company and how I was reorganized into a new job. And now the move.

Despite the office itself being totally slammed, Dr. K was calm and spent more time than usual with me. She did say she thought it might be hard to find a Lap-Band doctor willing to take on a patient who they didn't operate on which surprised me. But I am going to send her my list of doctors, and she'll make a recommendation from there.

I also asked her about whether I had the okay to get pregnant and she said yes!! So we're in the clear! We'll probably take our time with all that's going on though.

And I got a hug from her when I was leaving. Certainly the first time a doctor has hugged me.
It was a very nice visit overall.

I also got a fill, one of the easiest ones. .3 ccs. We'll see how it works.

Dr. K tomorrow

I'm feeling a bit nervous about seeing Dr. K tomorrow since I've gained a few pounds since my last visit. Granted without the band, and with all this stress and change over the last few months, I'd have gained all my weight back plus another 30 I'm sure!

But I know Dr. K can be tough so I'm cringing about going in tomorrow. Last time I went in I saw Gaspar instead since he was easier to book.

I'm off to finish watching the Lost season premiere now and finish rewriting a report I worked late last night finishing. Arg...

No matter how hard I try...

...french fries just aren't as good post-band!

It's like my mind knows that they are bready and not so band friendly! And I have tried! It's weird that my actual taste would change? Not sure what that's about!

Fill moved up!

Turns out I have a business trip next week to LA, kind of a last minute thing. I'll be presenting technology to some customers and then will be making some other visits with our reps and managers. Kind of a new thing for me in my new job as marketing product manager.

Given that I'll be gone, I had to reschedule my fill appointment with Dr. K and this Wed was all they could give me. I'll take it!

I find myself having more trouble eating bread and whatnot, so I'm thinking with this next fill I'll be more like many of the other bandsters out there who can't eat breads, etc.

Actually had a smidge of trouble with a leafy salad the other day, though I had another today without really any trouble. But I must admit I was cautious and chewed, chewed, chewed. The more I have issues with things going down, the more I chew. A good thing I suppose.

Pick pocket

What a lame day so far, and it doesn't help that its Monday.

Woke up not feeling well. I've just felt like I've had a lingering cold for a week or two now and had a sore throat this morning. Just couldnt sleep last night at all which makes getting up earlier than usual hard.

We had to go to the DMV this morning so I could get a NY State license since we bought our new car here. The place was packed but I'm shocked to say, well organized. No frills though. You need a pen, you buy one. See below. I'd never seen that before!


So we waited in one line, then a second line, finally a third line and I got my temp NY license. Unfortunately, that's when Alex realized he no longer had his cell phone. We had just been sitting looking at it together reading an email, so we knew exactly when he had it. Then he slipped it in his pocket, the place was mad busy, he goes back to his pocket and it's gone. Not on the ground or anything. Given that we both knew he had just had it, it had to be a pick pocket. Perfect location too since it was so crowded and everyone's distracted with their DMV business.

Alex was extremely upset since he uses it like a computer and it had all kinds of personal info on it. We started immediately changing account passwords, etc after reporting it lost/stolen. Not to mention that the iphones themselves are expensive and it is like Alex's little baby, he loves that thing!

When I'm stressed, of course my instinct is to eat, but they forgot to include my donut when i drove through for coffee! Serves me right I suppose. I did instead get soup and salad for lunch at my favorite healthy place, Columbine in Tribeca. So I suppose the day can only improve from here!

Let's hope!

Inching my way back to 40 pounds lost

The scale has been up and down a lot this week, but hey, at least it's going down as the general trend.

Daily weighing definitely helps me stay accountable for what I eat every day! Otherwise, today I might have just gone of the deep end, but now I've just been reminded, oh yeah, i actually want to lose weight! So that means don't pig out!

Anyone out there have posh NYC restaurant recommendations?

My boss just sent me this fab list of the NYC's most stunning restaurants, and I'm happy to say I've been to a few of them. Spice Market was particularly gorgeous!

One perk of my current job has been that it's enabled me to eat at some of NYC's finest restaurants -- given that my boss is a total foodie, we do posh things for sales meetings and we used to have vendors take us out for really incredible lunches.

Sometimes posh=small servings, so it doesn't even mean I have to totally over do it.

Sooo...I think I need one more fancy restaurant outing in NYC before we move to Austin.

Any of you guys have recommendations? I know Colleen recently went to Asiate and loved it. So that's on my list. Any other suggestions?

Time for a fill! Failed the protein test

It's 5pm and I'm super hungry, so i guess that means that I failed today's protein test and need a fill.

I actually started getting a hint of being hungry at around 3pm. Just an hour and a half in to the 4 hour test. But then at 4pm it was quite clear.

I had a mtg at 4pm so I was able to distract myself for that hour, and now it's 5pm and the stomach is all out growling and I'm all If-I-dont-eat-now-I'll-be-shoving-food-in-my-face-when-I-get-home-hungry!

So since I have an appointment with Dr. K on Feb 10th, guess I'll be asking for a fill while I'm at it!

Oops! Missed an NYU appointment

I just called about availability at NYU, and it turns out that I had an appointment Jan 13th at NYU that I somehow completely forgot about!

That's lame of me. I'm so flaky sometimes! These days with doctors if I dont walk out with a little card with my time, then I don't remember. I guess that has to do with putting all my appointments on my work calendar which i can't access out of work.

However, since we're moving, I thought it'd be good to see Dr. K before we leave (rather than Gaspar). Whether I get a fill or not. And surprisingly, she can see me early Feb.

Though I have to say Gaspar is just SO MUCH BETTER at doing fills. It didn't hurt last time!
But i need to see Dr. K because I want to ask her about getting pregnant and whether she has recommendations for doctors in Austin.

It'll be interesting to see whether i get a little lecture about my 5 pound weight gain. Fingers crossed I'll have taken off some of the weight and then some by the time the appointment comes around (Feb 10th).

AND that'll be just after my 6 month bandiversary. I really expected to have lost more than 50 pounds by this point. However, at this point I'm at 34 pounds down, just more than 25% of the way to goal.

My version of the protein test

So I am currently trying out the 4 oz. protein test. As you'll recall I mentioned that this will tell me legitimately whether I need a fill. Based on yesterday, I'm thinking that I do.

So between 1 and 1.30pm, I had a Morning Star Farms soy riblet for lunch. It's actually 5 ounces (rather than 4). It does have some bbq sauce on it that is rather sweet so hopefully that doesn't mess up the test. Just before lunch I had a diet coke so I'm hoping that isn't a problem either (the caffeine), but here goes. Will post later on the results.

I'm quite content and pretty much full now. According to the test, if I'm not hungry by 5.30 then I don't need a fill.

Do you guys think the bbq sauce or pre-meal diet coke will affect my outcome?

"Soldier On"

I got a real lift from this post from Amy on her blog, Once Upon a Time in the Land of Cheese and Sunkist. She was feeling down but at the end she says, "You cannot get depressed...You must be thankful...Soldier on!"

I love it! Thanks Amy. As I commented on her site, "Soldier On" will become my new mantra for 2010!

Gotta be honest here

I was just emailing with another bandster and thought I'd get some blog feedback as well.

When I signed up for this, I thought the actual being banded part would be harder. That I'd have more trouble with the band and that in general my day to day eating would be more of a challenge. What I can eat and how much and with other people knowing.

But with the exception of getting full a little sooner, I feel the same. Good and bad.

I expected this whole weight loss thing to just "click" into place rather than it being the same hard work as before. Sometimes (not always), it feels like nothing in my head has changed, so I don't understand why some people are able to lose it if they had the same eating issues pre-surgery as I did.

I guess, bottom line, if it's still all about hard work and "dieting" or "permanently healthy eating," then I find myself wondering, how is this different than without the band where i just had to use willpower. i guess the answer is that it takes less will power now?

I've read people talking about how its hard to get the calories in and I dont understand that. Mentally, I'm still that girl who wants to eat. How did other people get that to change?

I am still going to move forward and work the band. This isn't me bailing at all. It's just that the issue came up when thinking about this and why I haven't been as successful as I could be, so I have to just put it out there.

I'm going to work my tips and techniques, but mentally, how do I change my mindset?

Easier or harder with a spouse?

When I told people Alex and I were getting banded together (a month apart), we all thought it would make the whole process so much easier.

In some ways it did. I loved having someone else to go to the meetings with and the doctors appointments and someone to share the band experience with. Someone to advise and someone who gets it!

Alex is all that and mostly it's been really great doing this with someone else.

However, the challenge is that in doing this together, we do all of it together.

So when I'm doing poorly, I'm a bad influence on Alex. And when Alex is doing poorly, then he's a bad influence on me. Like today's cookie incident. I was being so good, then he gave me cookies!

However, I am just as often the bad influence. Like this past weekend when I was so stressed and wanting to completely veg (and pig) out! I ordered take out and had lots of bad food around when Alex was wanting to be good.

There are times when we're both good together, but mostly each of us has our ups and downs and the other has to figure out how to work that out.

I'm especially curious to hear from anyone else out there with a spouse or partner who has also had WLS?

Reducing Carbs and Counting Calories

I feel like I'm still catching up blogging since A) I was out of pocket a bit with the sales meeting and B) my home computer isn't working well so I'm having to borrow Alex's.

I'm sure I'll have a better laptop from work once we move, but for now, I prefer Alex's. He of course doesn't prefer that.

I mostly managed no carbs today with two exceptions. I was SO starving late afternoon that I allowed myself a small package of wheat thins and then Alex gave me a couple of cookies on the way home (I'll be posting about that separately).

In addition to "reducing" carbs today (hence increasing protein), I also counted my calories. I'll be counting going forward. I just need to in order to stay on track.

I'm actually hungry

I think I'm actually hungry, not just snacky!

My stomach is growling!

However, I'm holding off on my fill decision until the protein test. Despite having cut carbs, I had a light lunch as well as too much sugar and caffeine today which could have affected why I'm hungry this afternoon.

If it isn't really all about a cookie, then what is it that i really want?!?

Thank you all so much for your feedback on my last post about working the band or getting a fill.

I've decided to take a small step forward and cut carbs. Being a vegetarian, giving up carbs can be hard because many of my meals are carb based.

Since I am still in an "eeeaaaatttt" mentality, I decided to start small. Although no carbs is kind of huge for me, it's just one thing.

I've told myself I can have whatever I want within reason, just no typical carbs (bread, chips, rice, pasta, donuts (ha!), cooookiesss and cakes.) I have not yet outlawed sweets.

It's cold and rainy out this morning, so I grabbed a mocha decaf coffee and had some soy sausages. I'm not hungry but I'm snacky. It's just mental. So I decided to feed the urge with some nuts and skim milk.

And then I was just sitting here at my desk at work thinking of carbs and snacking and craving. But i am in no way hungry. My stomach does not want food. I in no way need a carb or a cookie this morning, I've eaten plenty. So if it isn't really all about that cookie, then what is it I really need to resolve? Because on the surface all I feel is a wee bit bored and a wee bit tired. But i slept plenty.

List of things you may not know about me

Following Cara's lead, below is my version of a list of things you might not know about me...

1. What time did you get up this morning? Not sure I should admit this. Probably like 11am. Letting myself sleep after staying up too late every night this week for our sales meeting.

2. How do you like your steak? No steak for me, I'm a vegetarian.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Sherlock Holmes. Not bad. Dying to see Shutter Island!

4. What is your favorite TV show? Hmm...Lost, Medium, House, The Soup, Law & Order, The Closer, Ghost Whisperer (guilty pleasure), and now White Collar.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? About to move to Austin and am excited about that, but if I weren't limited by country, France would probably be on the list. Vancouver is definitely on the list!

6. What did you have for breakfast? Breakfast was more like lunch, but it was egg and cheese on a croissant.

7. What is your favorite cuisine? Love Italian and Mexican. Pizza is a weakness. Absolutely LOVE Whole Foods' salad bar. Could live on that. YUM!

8. What foods do you dislike? Meat! Unfortunately Ginger. Not a big fan of raw broccoli and raw cauliflower.

9. Favorite place to eat? I'm a sucker for really fine dining. I follow the restaurant scene here in NYC and have started following Austin's restaurant scene.

10. Favorite dressing? Newman's Own Oil & Vinegar

11. What kind of vehicle do you drive? Silver '08 Mazda3

12. What are your favorite clothes? Jeans I guess? I love a cute fitted blazer.

13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Still planning our honeymoon, so we'll have the opportunity. I've traveled a lot but haven't been to France or Italy or Spain. Fiji also appeals!

14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Despite sometimes being moody, I am an optimist, so definitely half full!!!

15. Where would you want to retire? Retirement has never really entered my mind. I'll have to see where I am mentally at that point in my life!

16. Favorite time of day? Evening. Definitely a night person.

17. Where were you born? Los Angeles, California.

18. What is your favorite sport to watch? Not a sports person, but Alex is obsessed. However, if I had to go to a game, it would definitely be a basketball game.

19. Bird watcher? Their colors can be stunning, but no.

20. Are you a morning person or a night person? I can't stress this enough. Night.

21. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? Mostly you guys know everything that's going on, but we want to have kids very soon. I hope to be pregnant before the year is out!

22. What did you want to be when you were little? A secretary! ha! In high school, a psychologist. But the science classes in college were too hard for me. (Or really just didn't hold my interest). I still think that'd be a great profession.

23. What is your best childhood memory? Christmases were always so special, going to amusement parks, our dogs...

24. Are you a cat or dog person? See above. Dog person!!!

25. Are you married? Yes, just. Alex and I had our wedding Nov 7th.

26. Always wear your seat belt? Yes, at least in the front seats.

27. Been in a car accident? Yes, no injuries though, knock on wood!

28. Any pet peeves? Lots! ;)

29. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Plain NYC cheese slice, folded.

30. Favorite Flower? Pink peonies or pink roses.

31. Favorite ice cream? Vanilla with chocolate covered nuts.

32. Favorite fast food restaurant? At the moment, Dunkin Donuts. Also like Taco Bell and Sonic since they have veg stuff.

33. How many times did you fail your driver's test? None, but I have to go get my NYC license now. Ironic since I'm moving. But it has to do with the registration and financing.

34. From whom did you get your last email? Some friends forwarding text messages from another friend (an MD) who is volunteering in Haiti right now. Very impressed!

35. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? Love Macy's and Target.

36. Do anything spontaneous lately? Deciding to move to Austin was *relatively* spontaneous.

37. Broccoli? Cooked properly, yum!

38. What was your favorite vacation? That's a tough one. Banff in Canada, Key West with Alex, Hawaii...Santorini. I could go on and on!

39. Last person you went out to dinner with? My bosses and coworkers.

40. What are you listening to right now? Alex yelling at the football game. Saints vs. Vikings.

41. What is your favorite color? Teal?

42. How many tattoos do you have? None.

43. Coffee drinker? LOVE IT.

Get a fill or work the band?

I often recall my general practitioner telling me pre-band to be careful, because "you can eat right through that thing." He was extremely supportive of the surgery, just giving me some advice.

And I'm finding that to be very true.

I'm on the fence about needing a fill because I have some restriction. I get full. I'm guessing that if I did the 4-hour protein test that Jen posted about, that I'd pass. Problem is I'm not eating protein first, eating lots of carbs and sugar, drinking with meals, and I'm snacking even when I'm not hungry. Basically emotional eating rather than anything else.

I do get stuck more often these days and I get full, so I don't feel like I "need" a fill. I'm at like 7.1cc's out of 10. I guess I'm just thinking about it to help with the eating.

What do you guys think? I will try the protein test by the way.

The Sales Meeting is Finally Over

Twice a year I get heavily involved in our Winter and Summer sales meetings.

The last two were via the web with a small group of people traveling in. The web adds a whole other set of complications and communication issues.

I take it as a compliment that they've always wanted me to present so much, but it does mean the weeks before are always very stressful. Even when I work lots of overtime in advance, it never seems to be enough to avoid long hours during the week of the meeting.

In fact, it's a tradition for me to end up in the office after midnight one or more nights the week of. I pretty much ALWAYS have to go back to the office after our sales dinners which just sucks.

This year was a change too because of my new job. The presentations I did were more product oriented, meaning I had to do more research to become the "expert." This year I had 3 presentations and two workshops that I was in charge of.

I certainly feel like I've grown a lot professionally over these last few months. I was bored in my last job, so while it was a painful change in some ways (creatively), I am more challenged and am back in the swing of things and back to my old ways in regard to being very career driven.

I had a migraine for the tail end of the meeting however, so between that and working late/not sleeping and being stressed in general, I of course had my normal instinct to EATTT!!! Which I did.

I couldn't do too much damage at our sales dinner or at any of the meals, but the snacks and sweets completely did me in. Cookies seem to be a real weakness lately. And sweets in general.

Just reinforcing the fact that the band works (can't eat too much at meals) but you can cheat it (snack, snack, snack).

I'm looking forward now. I have a few calmer weeks I hope before the move.

We got our new apartment!

So we got official news today that we got the apartment in Austin we've been drooling over! We toured apartments downtown when we were there over Christmas and have had our hearts set on this specific place ever since.

This is the model unit from their website, but our apartment will be similar, minus the furniture of course. They are all super modern with stained concrete floors (great for two rambunctious little doggies), floor to ceiling windows overlooking downtown, a balcony, modern kitchen and bath, washer and dryer, and prime downtown real estate a block from the lake to walk the dogs and right by all the shops, bars, and restaurants so we don't have to give up too much of our NYC walking lifestyle if we don't choose to. (whew! THAT was a run on!)

There's even a place nearby called Jo's that has tons of veggie stuff including veggie hot dogs with veggie chili. (For some reason this *really* appeals to me.) AND a Whole Foods about a 15 min walk. (Or a super short drive). Plus the farmer's market around the block.

Being in a place where we can afford all of this was one of the major reasons we decided to move back to Austin. We've never been able to swing anything quite so decent in New York. And now, we're just frustrated with our old brownstone apartment with everything falling apart.

So we're going to give this new lifestyle a try and see how we feel. That last photo is the apartment pool. Since I'll be working from home, I'm thinking maybe I'll spend some days telecommuting poolside!